Yeah. Sounds a little like you're normal to me. Call it depression as a catch-all. Most people have experienced it in one form or another. I know I have and constantly have to fight through it. Age and a future has something to do with it, not that younger people don't have their version of it. I think that's one of the things that inspired the "Goth" movement, and the nihilistic Dada movement in the 1920s, and the beatniks and then too those pesky self destructive things like hypochondria and anorexia and bulemia and all those other words ending in 'ia'. I'm no expert, but I suspect it's a form of violence and frustration and anger etc turned inward. One of the cool things about art is that it allows for us to move energy that's clogged and gotten us mired. Sounds to me like painting could be just the ticket, recalling as I do some of the amazing work you did -- especially the expressive stuff, and not the tight stuff.
Technical skill is always something that will get people to tell one what a good human they are, but you, especially you, don't want to loose sight of your deep, and soulful expression.
The trick is to paint for yourself first. Painting to get approval from others is not always the best goal. It's nice to get people to appreciate it, but know your audience and their possible limitations. You're not necessarily a commercial artist and thus do not have those accursed restrictions of having to please.
The pitfall there is that if people don't react how you want them to, you're screwed. And you're giving your authority over to others, when it should be yours as the auteur. Express yourself for yourself, and let the chips fall where they may, and as a reward for that leap of faith, you may find that the joy will return.
My mind was seriously blown by some of your early expressive stuff. You later were working on technique, and that's great. But somewhere the look changed to what looked like you were chasing something less poetic. I sincerely hope you get back into it and let it flow if you can rediscover that voice inside you that has always been so elevated. Sappy sounding alert so be warned: But you have always struck me as an angel who is trying to hang on to earth because you keep floating up -- sort of like a diver who has lost his weight belt.
IMHO when you paint, let the ground go and when you come back down you'll have some paintings that are yours. The ground will still be there. And if you need a cheering section, you certainly have it here. And if you need to sell your work, I don't think it will at all suffer from you finding your personal voice. Risky in a way, but what a cool challenge. Try not to be judgmental of the expression right away and enjoy the personal journey. You may find that letting yourself be the poet you are, and the great heart you are in painting and drawing will favorably impact the rest of your world because you will flow.
Absolutely this is TRUE!!!!!!! And no shit Sherlock! You were absolutely one of the ones who set the tone from the get go of the supportive community energy. And when you left, part of that left with you. Should tell you something about the creative energy that follows you in your wake. Wade back in Robert. . . I mean paint it back in, my dear fellow. . .