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Thread: Catch - A Story I'm Working On

  1. #1
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    Catch - A Story I'm Working On

    There's a reason for the name 'Catch', I won't reveal it, because you find out near the end of the story. If I never finish it, I'll tell you the reason.

    The shrill sound of the bell rang out through the corridors of Lakeview High School and nine hundred teenagers prepared to leave their classrooms. On the top floor, in one of the Geography classes, Emily sat upon her chair, oblivious to the ringing of the school-bell. She was drawing on her jotter. With each scratch of the pencil, a picture started to form. It was a heart, but something was tearing it, shredding it into tiny pieces. If it were not for her best friend interrupting her, she could’ve sat for hours, adding tiny details to this already amazing drawing.
    “Drawing again?” murmured Ashley, drumming her fingers lightly on the wooden table.
    “Yeah.” Emily reached down and pulled up her bag. With a quick movement, she slid the jotter inside.
    “Mhm, well, c’mon. Break’s gonna be over if we don’t hurry!” Ashley flapped her hands helplessly, obviously hoping it would emphasise the seriousness of the situation.
    Emily paused for a moment, biting the loose skin off her bottom lip, and then zipped her bag shut and stood up.
    “Finally!” Ashley moaned. She then proceeded to put both hands on Emily’s shoulder blades and steer her out the door.

    They were still like this when they stumbled out of the school. When they were in their usual place, Ashley dropped her hands and sighed.
    “So...” Emily murmured.
    “So,” Ashley said, with more life in her voice than Emily. “Any boys you like?”
    Emily grumbled something.
    “What? Didn’t hear you,” Ashley chirped.
    “I said, no.” Emily hissed.
    “So there is a boy!” Ashley jumped a centimetre off the ground and clapped her hands together twice. “Who is it? Is he in our class? C’mon, spill!”
    “Jake Martin,” Emily leaned against a nearby wall and sighed. “There, I said it. Happy?”
    “Yeah!” Ashley giggled. She hiccupped once, and then continued. “I think...”
    “Oh, wow. You think.” Emily scoffed.
    Ashley scowled at Emily, then finished where she had left off. “I think you should ask him to the dance!”
    “He doesn’t like me.” Emily said.
    “He does. He smiles at you, looks at you...” Ashley spread her hands and waved them in Emily’s face.
    “He doesn’t talk to me; he doesn’t make eye contact with me...” Emily muttered, running a hand through her hair.
    “Oh.” Ashley muttered, looking crestfallen.
    “Think about it, Ash. He talks to every other girl – even the unpopular ones – but he doesn’t talk to me. I mean, I don’t stink, do I? Do I stink, Ashley?”
    Ashley eyed Emily, sniffed the air, and then shook her head.
    “See?” Emily dropped her bag by her feet and stretched. “He doesn’t like me.”
    Straight after finishing her sentence, the bell rang.
    “English.” Ashley nodded. She extended one arm, wrapped the other around Emily and marched off.
    Emily, who was being dragged away, leaned back and grabbed her bag at the last second. She breathed a sigh of relief as they entered the dimly-lit school building.

    It was halfway through English when Emily started drawing again. This time, she drew an angel. It was beautiful. Its eyes were wide and innocent but its mouth was creased into a worried frown. She drew the wings, wrapped around someone. Peeking above one of the wing-tips was a head. She modelled the girl on herself. From the little you could see of the girl, she was as naked as the day she was born. She was crying. With a few flicks of her pencil, she sketched in the hair.
    “Emily Mason,” came a sharp voice from the front of the room. “What are you doing?”
    “Nothing, Miss.” Emily sat her pencil on her desk.
    “Mhm. Come up and show the class what you were doing,” the voice said again.
    “O-okay, Mrs Eldar.” Emily picked up the piece of paper she was drawing on, sucked up a deep breath, got out of her chair and headed to the front of the class.
    “Show me first,” Mrs Eldar glared at Emily over the top of her miniscule spectacles. She waved a wrinkled hand. Emily put the paper in it.
    “I was finished my work anyway...” Emily muttered. “I thought you wouldn’t mind!”
    Mrs Eldar shot a piercing look at Emily, then pushed her spectacles up her ridged nose, and looked at the paper. Her lips came together in a thin pink line. Her brow furrowed and her nose wiggled slightly, sending the spectacles cascading down to the tip of it again.
    “Miss M-Mason...” Mrs Eldar gulped, and then continued. “Miss Mason, how...Why did you draw this?”
    Emily gave a subtle shrug. “Dunno, I just...felt like drawing, and I drew that.”
    Mrs Eldar glanced at the paper again, then folded it neatly and shoved it back into Emily’s hand. “Sit.” And with that, Mrs Eldar turned towards her computer.
    Emily wandered back to her seat. Just as she was about to sit down, she noticed a sort of...gleam, in Mrs Eldar’s eyes.
    She was crying.

    Later, in Mathematics, Emily spoke to Ashley about it.
    “It was the weirdest thing,” Emily murmured. “She looked at the drawing, and then gave it back, told me to sit down, so I went, and when I looked at her, she was crying!”
    “Pull the other one.” Ashley said, blowing a bubble with the gum she had sneaked into class.
    “I’m not kidding!” Emily gasped. “You should’ve seen it!”
    “But I didn’t. Nobody but you did. We were all talking. Mrs Eldar isn’t our best interest. Plus, it was probably the light...from the computer.”
    “But it wasn’t!” Emily protested.
    “Come on, Emily. I have a maths test tomorrow, now I have to worry about you going bonkers too?!” Ashley spoke between furious chews.
    “I’m not going mad, Ash. I swear!” Emily hissed.
    “Mhm. Whatever.” Ashley waved her vacant hand, then leaned her head down and got on with her work.
    Last edited by weeun; 12-12-2009 at 11:35 PM.

  2. #2
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    That's a very relaxed, confident and mature style you have, weeun - a pleasure to read, even that short extract.

  3. #3
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    Your talents never cease to amaze me. I think you will be great at whatever you try.
    (Sounds like you have someone you admire.)

  4. #4
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    Thank you for your comments!

    I added a bit more, if you want to read it.

  5. #5
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    you are a writer! And this is excellent way beyond your years. You should seriously write teenage novels. This is fantastic and you have a great gift as a writer. You know how to build suspense. You are able to set the scene and give little details of observation like the lips of the teacher drawing into a thin pink line or the girl hiccups before speaking. Yet everything has a place in the story and you don't say something without it belonging there. You perfectly speak in the vernacular of the age group. You have a great ability in grammar, spelling and conversational punctuation skills...not to mention your wonderful grasp of vocabulary....crestfallen... geez. You have a gift! This is really brilliant writing. Keep writing. Please. Are you really a 35 year old woman?
    I have sat in college writing classes filled with aspiring writers and not one had this much innate talent.
    Last edited by screenpainter; 12-13-2009 at 12:22 AM.

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  7. #7
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    Weeun, please do me a favor. Google Wordtrip. I don't have the IP link at hand, but it is a writer's forum much like this one. The people there are friendly, supportive, and willing to teach. I think you would like it very much. Just don't forget your friends here in the process.

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Alexandra View Post
    This is amazing for an 11 or 12 year old.
    What? You're only 12?

  9. #9
    Amazing, someone have to make it a movie, the story board alone will be cool.

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by joeparis View Post
    What? You're only 12?
    Yes.
    I thought everybody knew.
    Oh well!

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