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D Akey
07-12-2009, 07:03 AM
Hello my friends!

Thank you for the kind words.

Yeah it's all been nutty. Very busy between work and having work done on the house, some of which I'm doing myself. . . personally I'm mostly sticking to the garden owing to my ability, needing roofers etc to handle the big stuff.

Was doing gardening and the garden divas, those little faeries that everyone was painting so frequently got pissed (in all senses of the word) that I was taking down some trees and pulling dead brush and so on. They were probably really ticked because I hadn't watered them much, but neglect was only part of what engaged their formidable earthly wrath.

My plan is to convert my backyard which had been growing wild for a long time, into a big ol' vegetable garden, which I would have to cage in because of the local varmints (raccoons, squirrels, possums, miscellaneous field rodents and a passing family of skunks that have moved on hopefully).

But since I hadn't consulted with the divas about gutting the wild scruffy garden and future plans, as I tore into the dying brush I heard tiny voices chiming threats at me, "We are not amused, you bloody crap garden dilettante! And you shall get your come-uppance forthwith!!! Take that!!!"

Whereupon they began jabbing at me with sticks and branches, and kicked me in the shins and slammed my hand between a brick wall and the handle of a pick ax. (ouch!)

But after nursing my guitar fretting hand, I rallied and returned to the garden the following day. I muttered, "Try to take my guitar playing away from me will ya?!?!?! I'll show you!!!!"

And I proceeded to tear out a dying bush wrapped in a gnarled grape vine that had been growing on an old wood shed. But it still had some mojo in it, and as I yanked and pulled at the bush, a branch poked me in the eye and deeply scratched my cornea!" And so I withdrew to wash it out with eye solution. Shortly then in my sleeping chamber with eyes closed, the irritation was so abysmal, I had to drive myself to the emergency room with only one working eye which watered incessantly.

After the doctor and nurse did several unnatural things to my eye, the doctor proclaimed my eye was deeply scratched. He covered it with a patch and said to come back the following day. So I drove home with one eye muttering, "Take away my art, will ya! Cursed divas are fighting rough! We'll see about that! @$)*&"

When I returned to the doctor, he looked at my eye and was shocked at how miraculously it had healed. And by the fourth day, the blurriness had mostly gone and I could see well enough to fork the garden (pitchfork that is).

So the following weekend I hired in a bull-like tough young Mexican lad. I donned my sunscreen and we marched into the garden armed to the teeth with machete and pitchfork and chain saw.

He has little English and I have only limited Spanish and we would communicate in a guttural hybrid lingo using lots of gestures and cash. When I was showing him what we needed to do I pointed to the bush that had scratched my eye and he made a gesture by chopping his hand into his palm and said coldly, "We kill it!"

I said, "Good man! Stout fellow!"

Whereupon the rest of the day we proceeded to lay low two trees, much shrubbery, and half the old wood shed. The day was OURS!!!!! VICTORY!!!!

Having cleared the field of valor of severed limbs and trunks of felled trees to a rented 20 foot trash bin, I was back at the wood shed chucking severed 2x4s into a pile for later use.

Heady from expanding my kingdom, while I relaxed, the divas took their revenge.

When I threw the very last timber, through my leather garden glove a long wood shard was driven in a blink. I gingerly pulled off my right glove, which was snagging on the splintery barb, and looked at my hand. Projecting from my little finger, between my palm and first knuckle, a quarter inch on either side was the little shaft of a wooden arrow with which some wretched diva attacked me.

In the Urgent Care room, the nurse took one look at it and made a face like she was going to puke, upgraded me on the spot and and waved me over to the Emergency Room instead.

Long story about the extraction of splintery old wood, but suffice to say, the doc and attendants and I had a great time making jokes and generally having a great time. The X-Ray tech was particularly amused. (I know what you're thinking but there were no drugs used except a tetanus shot and some local anesthetic and later a prescription for a bunch of antibiotics). Anyway it came out clean, no bone involvement or blood, and it was the little finger on my right hand, which very few guitarists actually use. So my guitar playing was simply on hold for a few days.

The doc told me to come back to Wound Care which I didn't really need, owing to the speed with which my hand was healing, and to Plastic Surgery, which I refused. I accepted the band-aid from Wound Care and returned to my garden.

As an asides, before I went to the E.R., I paid my henchman, and asked him to clean up and I would see him soon for more garden work. Talking on the phone, I heard him say in broken English that after I left, he too got poked in the eye by a rogue branch! "THEY GOT JOEL!!!!" (pronounced Ho-El) I lamented. "Oh, accursed (pronounced A-Curse-Ed) war!!! Oh, what bitter irony!!! All this fighting for what? For some portfolio of canned garden seeds cat #69300 of pre-genetically engineered miscellaneous vegetables??? Oh the humanity."

It was at that point that I called in a Tree Hugger to speak on my behalf to the divas. They went into the yard and while oddly embracing a tree, explained to the divas in the high language of the noble court, that there would be many many plants, vegetable types of plants cultivated and enjoyed, and that the garden was merely being renovated. . .

And so it came to pass that a cease fire was drafted and signed by all parties, bloodlessly, though it has been rumored that there may have been some abstentions, diva Ronin who remain as outlaws in hiding within the thickets in the yard.

So now that the house is nearly renovated, the situation with the garden looms nearer and nearer.

Will the peace hold? Who can say. But that is a question for another day.

So how are you?

yachris
07-12-2009, 07:26 AM
Oh, man, D Akey, I haven't laughed so much at someone else's misfortune since a friend's story of riding his bike into a large hedge, at speed, intentionally (to avoid riding into traffic). Why are you looking at me that way? It was hilarious... really... honest... ummm... guess you had to be there :-)

ANYWAY, what a great story! Glad you made it out alive... Loving my no-possible-yard-work-of-any-kind condo more and more.

Aged P
07-12-2009, 08:07 AM
Yes, yes DAkey!

But have you painted anything lately?

Seriously though, my heart goes out to you. I thought I had had some bad luck with DIY and renovations over the years, but you have won both the Kewpie Doll and the cigar.:):)

I am so glad that you seem to have taken no long term damage.

Phil

My wife who, almost single handedly, supports all purveyors and lenders of books in a thousand mile radius, just read your post. She loved your writing style and humour. I pass on to you her sympathy and admiration.

byroncallas
07-12-2009, 08:28 AM
D'Akey: Missing you terribly, I wondered were the hell you are, only to discover that, well, there you are (or at least were) in hell. Forgive me for laughing so much at your misfortune. It's the fault of your own unmatched prose.

Fortunately, you seem well on the road to recovery, following bandages, shots, medicines, balms, witch-doctors, tree-huggers and all. Still, those divas are out there, they have no mercy or pity, their word is unreliable, and once crossed, well, you know the rest...so watch your back.

It was the greatest pleasure and surprise to stumble on your post, to know that you are still out there (regardless of your immense suffering), and that the muse has not left you. There is balm in Gilead. They say it comes in a tube these days. Take full advantage of it.

GREAT TO HEAR FROM YOU. POST PICS OF YOUR HARROWING ADVENTURES. :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:):cool:

ScottF
07-12-2009, 09:26 AM
So good to hear that you´re still alive and pickin´. :cool:

Your story reminded me of why I always try to pay someone to do whatever needs to be done--life´s too short, and I´m too lazy. :eek:

irishrose
07-12-2009, 09:51 AM
Oh, DA!!!! I'm so sorry about all your recent misfortunes. Curses!!! Now I know what they mean by the saying when faced with something unpleasant: "Well, it sure is better than getting poked in the eye with a sharp stick!"... wow, is that so true. I had that happen to me about 3 yrs ago while trimming bushes outside (not having had the big strapping Mexican lad to help me out), and while reaching in to get some of the fallen branches, did not see the stick that my eye was nearly touching and it rammed right into my eyeball. OUCH! Talk about searing pain, a MASSIVE headache, watering eyes (like you), but thankfully, no cornea problem. Oy! I'm telling you, mother nature hath no mercy sometimes.

I am glad you're back, you missed so much and apparently, so did we.

Carry on, but "one day at a time". The garden may just grow by itself. Who knows? Stranger things have been known to happen! ;)

So happy you're okay. Missed you mucho!

fraser_paice
07-12-2009, 12:37 PM
Welcome back Sir.

You have my sympathies as I too have been renovating and struggling with the fabric of my house. Removed the bathroom walls and celling. Had a hundred and fifty years worth of dust, dirt and detritus on my head and in my favourite orifices. Only have floorboards intermittently upstairs. Nearly lost a knee cap in middle of the night answering nature's insistent call but now have replaced that board and repaired the hole in the ceiling downstairs.

The photo shows the bath under a dust sheet and the hot water system behind. Have a ceiling in most parts now but still lacking walls and hoping the shower I have bought will fit. Beginning to think doing the plumbing myself is a bit ambitious.

You could try leaving a saucer of milk out for the divas at night, maybe even spike it for them so they sleep in while you clear the ground.

screenpainter
07-12-2009, 02:02 PM
I did not consider that your writing skills could actually get any better, but you really should consider cashing in on this talent... sorry to hear of your troubles, but the way you have described the anecdotal events are hilarious. Underneath I perceive that it was not all that much fun. Glad you are checking in. Miss your comments, wit, allusions and bs muchly.

Silentman
07-12-2009, 03:57 PM
What an absolute cackle, i needed a good cheer up and you weren't short on your offering :)

Sketchism71
07-12-2009, 05:18 PM
Well you may like to know that Caesar managed to squash one of those pesky garden diva faeries with a fly swatter while you were out fighting the good fight. Unfortunately for you, sounds like that may have only fueled their fire! Glad to hear from you my friend!

Juz
07-12-2009, 05:48 PM
I totally agree with GZ, what a wonderful engaging writing style, I wish I had a sliver of your talent.
Also think theres an art project lurking in this tale.... 'Paint DAkey's garden divas' (armed with spears etc of course) :)

Fashmir
07-12-2009, 06:03 PM
A tale worthy of Darby O'Gill DA. I got a good many pictures in my head reading and laughing. Thanks for letting us in on your doings. :)

Aged P
07-12-2009, 09:09 PM
Fraser,

Had you noticed the long necked Cloud Devil, with the forward facing horns, thrusting his head in from the top righthand corner of your bathroom. No wonder you are having problems.:)

It is a well known fact that they live in the roof insulation of cottages in The Forest of Dean.

Phil

Dany51
07-12-2009, 10:27 PM
I can't say better than the precedent Ragers did, I just have to read
a second time all the tale, fabulous talent,
I didn't laugh from longtime like this, You have all my sympathy , sure you'll manage.

Do you know that there are some people who manage to mix the vegetables with ornamental flowers,
I have no idea how,but I know that can be done.

from April the house where I live is in under restoration and all day there are a lot of noises, I try to work in the night and then I can't sleep in the day ,
but I did few escapes to Giverny , I had the flowers without the thorns
and doing lazy pictures with Art Rage,
like this one:

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2523/3689189638_11608d90f7.jpg


Have an excellent Sunday and Summer time and the same wish for all Artragers friends :)

Lee
07-13-2009, 02:03 AM
Dear Fraser, that scene is from 'Silence of the Lambs'? :D:D:D:D:D:)

irishrose
07-13-2009, 02:30 AM
I totally agree with GZ, what a wonderful engaging writing style, I wish I had a sliver of your talent.
Also think theres an art project lurking in this tale.... 'Paint DAkey's garden divas' (armed with spears etc of course) :)

I KNEW this was going to be brought up.. wait till Caesar sees this... uh oh! ;)

irishrose
07-13-2009, 02:32 AM
I can't say better than the precedent Ragers did, I just have to read
a second time all the tale, fabulous talent,
I didn't laugh from longtime like this, You have all my sympathy , sure you'll manage.

Do you know that there are some people who manage to mix the vegetables with ornamental flowers,
I have no idea how,but I know that can be done.

from April the house where I live is in under restoration and all day there are a lot of noises, I try to work in the night and then I can't sleep in the day ,
but I did few escapes to Giverny , I had the flowers without the thorns
and doing lazy pictures with Art Rage,
like this one:

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2523/3689189638_11608d90f7.jpg


Have an excellent Sunday and Summer time and the same wish for all Artragers friends :)

Dany, when life gave you lemons, you made lemonade! Lovely work! And happy Sunday to you too!

jbyrjbyr1
07-13-2009, 04:57 AM
It appears that we Ragers are torn; although we regret the circumstances leading to your posting, the posting itself is a testament to your wide-ranging (and highly entertaining) talents...an artist AND a wordsmith...

Using an impressive pallete (language), you've wielded a well chosen array of tools (nouns, verbs, sentences, paragraphs, etc.) at varying sizes and degrees of pressure to create both a broadly drawn background and a detail rich foreground. Add to this your consummate skill at blending several layers of narrative intent (humor, adventure, pathos, etc.) with varying levels of opacity on a canvas (total length) that's neither too short nor too long...and the result is a well drawn tale worthy of praise (and a nice gilt edged frame!).

Well done.

jb

irishrose
07-13-2009, 06:34 AM
Wow, JB, nicely said.. looks like we have another writer in our midst! ;)

Lee
07-13-2009, 06:51 AM
Dear Dany, very very beautiful!!!!!:)

Dear D, have recovered now from your story, sort of:D:D:D,,, just couldn't help myself from painting this little card:o:p:rolleyes:;),, so glad you are back in the altogether!!!! :):):)

juliediane
07-13-2009, 07:55 AM
Oh my lord, DA.....I'm still laughing. I solved all those problems 5 years ago....

I got married....he gets stabbed, stung, hospitalized now, NOT ME. LOLOLOLOLOL

irishrose
07-13-2009, 08:46 AM
Lee, that is GREAT!!!! Love the tools to ward off the bad fairies. :)

ENCHANTER
07-13-2009, 11:12 AM
Bloke!

I think ya got some ole Brit blood in ya veins.

You ought to be here , west of london town......may be Oxford.

:):)

RobertSWade
07-13-2009, 12:13 PM
Good to have you back old man. Maybe you should consider contracting Joel for a higher percentage of the work so you don't end up playing that Les Paul with your mouth and toes while sporting Stevie Wonder type sunglasses. You'll also need to invest in a roto-tiller so, there goes your back.
...
Sounds like you went with the heirloom variety of seeds. Good choice for taste certainly as most of that has been bred out in favor of color and transportability in the grocery stores of the present age. Still, they do require a higher degree of care and will be more succeptible to the various strains of vegetable loving six legged or more vermin.
...
I guess you'll also be giving your pressure cooker a workout come fall and will have to lay in a supply of Ball/Mason jars to preserve your vegetarian booty from the oh so harsh southern California winters.
...
Did you suffer under the delusion that being a gentleman gardener would somehow be relaxing? Oh, the humanity!
:D

foxytocin
07-13-2009, 01:22 PM
Hah! D'Akey, should we set up a collection for proper gonzo-gardening gear for you? We know that you need new gloves. Being a very experienced gardener myself, I recommend a hard hat, tevlar clothing, goggles, a spanish dictionary and a butterfly net for your next misadventure. Hah! You may consider the addition of night-vision goggles and gator-boots, because, who knows, with your luck you might have a hurricane in your back yard the next time you step out the door. And I would make sure that you have a horseshoe hanging over the front door just in cast the divas get the idea that they might move in with you to further their torments.

D Akey
07-13-2009, 09:37 PM
Oh, man, D Akey, I haven't laughed so much at someone else's misfortune since a friend's story of riding his bike into a large hedge, at speed, intentionally (to avoid riding into traffic). Why are you looking at me that way? It was hilarious... really... honest... ummm... guess you had to be there :-)

ANYWAY, what a great story! Glad you made it out alive... Loving my no-possible-yard-work-of-any-kind condo more and more.

Just like Laurel and Hardy, without the laurels, but plenty of hearty.
Thanks for enjoying it so much. Makes it worth the telling.

However. . .

I've heard tell there be condo divas, aye, and that's a nat'ral fact. Mighty queer, I mean peculiar old world stuff begins happening when you don't pay your association fees. Best lock up your shudders good n' tight after the sun goes down. . . And when you venture out to the ol' Rec center, best stay on the path.

D Akey
07-13-2009, 10:04 PM
Yes, yes DAkey!

But have you painted anything lately?

Seriously though, my heart goes out to you. I thought I had had some bad luck with DIY and renovations over the years, but you have won both the Kewpie Doll and the cigar.:):)

I am so glad that you seem to have taken no long term damage.

Phil

My wife who, almost single handedly, supports all purveyors and lenders of books in a thousand mile radius, just read your post. She loved your writing style and humour. I pass on to you her sympathy and admiration.


Hahah. Giving me a dose of my own medicine, is it? No, I've not painted a thing except a few touch ups on the front door, more's the pity.

Thank you for your sympathetic shoulder to bleed on. Not DIY for me, though P. My DIY is more DYI for Doing Yourself In.

At any rate, There'll be more to the story probably. I'll soon be digging trenches for laying in the chicken wire anti varmint garden cage starting two feet underground. Plus there'll be sprinkler lines to put in -- least wise that's my story.

But between you and me, I'm really digging to find the treasure trove of the wee folk. Lord knows the Super Lotto hasn't landed for me just yet. I figure the odds of finding buried treasure in my back yard is considerably better. So that's my scheme, straight up.

And please pay my respects to your wife. She really made my day, as did you.

D Akey
07-14-2009, 12:03 AM
D'Akey: Missing you terribly, I wondered were the hell you are, only to discover that, well, there you are (or at least were) in hell. Forgive me for laughing so much at your misfortune. It's the fault of your own unmatched prose.

Fortunately, you seem well on the road to recovery, following bandages, shots, medicines, balms, witch-doctors, tree-huggers and all. Still, those divas are out there, they have no mercy or pity, their word is unreliable, and once crossed, well, you know the rest...so watch your back.

It was the greatest pleasure and surprise to stumble on your post, to know that you are still out there (regardless of your immense suffering), and that the muse has not left you. There is balm in Gilead. They say it comes in a tube these days. Take full advantage of it.

GREAT TO HEAR FROM YOU. POST PICS OF YOUR HARROWING ADVENTURES. :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:):cool:


No kidding boobie. Nobody's seen the last of those divas. I mean look at Cher for chrissake. . .Is it rerun time or what? And Barbara, Barbara's gonna live forever, mark my words. . .
Sorry, I must have been channeling Mike Meyers, no big woop.

So you want pics, huh? You would think that divas are easy to photograph from all the paparazzi they got following them. But I have yet to get a shot of one. Besides, like you somewhat, I paint pictures onto the imagination.

As to the rest of it, your counsel's been good so far. So I'm gonna scare me up a tube o' that there imported Gilead balm. Perhaps you can tell me though, if I rub it into the scalp, or onto my sore muscles, or brush with it or pull the pin and lob it into the bush out back to scare off the evil spirits. Heck, I may need a case of it.

So about what's been going on here at Artrage, occasionally, I have been flying through and speed lurking, but even that was hard to manage. But I've seen some amazing art and can't wait to get back to examining the art at a speed that'll let my thoughts catch up. Einstein was right. The faster ya go, the more out of phase you become. . . or something like that.

Thanks so much for your warm welcome back. Missed you too. :):):)

coops
07-14-2009, 12:25 AM
Sorry for all your troubles dear Mr Akey and boy have I missed you and your lyrical words. Good to see you posting again and a big welcome back.:)

Mairzie Dotes
07-14-2009, 04:09 AM
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Sentry's ~

HARK! ... Do not fret ... No cause for alarm ~
For these garden diva's shall mean you no harm ~
They have been sent by night's moon ~
And will rise with the dawn ~
To protect accident prone fellows ~
Who frankly should stay the heck outta their yard ~ :p


Welcome back D Akey ~ ~ ~ :)


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

irishrose
07-14-2009, 04:53 AM
This is gorgeous, Mair. My fav color (next to pink) is purple! They do look harmless enough! ;)

byroncallas
07-14-2009, 06:55 AM
So I'm gonna scare me up a tube o' that there imported Gilead balm. Perhaps you can tell me though, if I rub it into the scalp, or onto my sore muscles, or brush with it or pull the pin and lob it into the bush out back to scare off the evil spirits. Heck, I may need a case of it. :):):)

I'm told the secret is to buy a truckload and smear it a foot deep around the perimeter of your property. Encourage your neighbors to do the same - it sets up a protective barrier with a wide perimeter. Meanwhile, build a large wooden fence about nine feet high and every 36 inches nail a 24" wide poster of MaryAnn's painting, smearing the between spaces all over the fence with a good two inches of the magic Gilead Balm. If this doesn't do the trick, move, or just give it up.

Meanwhile, I surmise if you answer each and every welcome-back greeting, and then respond to the response to each and every greeting in an eternal circle of super-greeting you will forget your garden troubles and be back in the D'Akey ArtRage Psychic Brain Merge-Meld-Immersion where you belong and are sorely missed. :D:D:D:D;)

Good luck on all fronts. The team is with you, no matter your crossroads. :)

byroncallas
07-14-2009, 08:00 AM
The Sentry's ~HARK! ... Do not fret ... No cause for alarm ~For these garden diva's shall mean you no harm ~They have been sent by night's moon ~And will rise with the dawn ~To protect accident prone fellows ~Who frankly should stay the heck outta their yard ~ :pWelcome back D Akey ~ ~ ~ :)

Inspired and full of good chuckles at Mr. D'Akey's glorious expense. :D
The painting is a dream work. No doubt he needs it. :)

yachris
07-14-2009, 08:05 AM
Just like Laurel and Hardy, without the laurels, but plenty of hearty.
Thanks for enjoying it so much. Makes it worth the telling.

However. . .

I've heard tell there be condo divas, aye, and that's a nat'ral fact. Mighty queer, I mean peculiar old world stuff begins happening when you don't pay your association fees. Best lock up your shudders good n' tight after the sun goes down. . . And when you venture out to the ol' Rec center, best stay on the path.

Yup, they attacked saturday night... plugged up the dishwasher right good, and just when I was getting into the video game I was playing! TOTALLY CRUEL. Luckily, my wife was paying attention and realized that running water isn't a sound normally found in condos.

Musically, if it's any consolation, I was remembering the lyrics, "You've got to pay the dues if you want to sing the blues" so I called up the office. You're paid in full for this year. Of course, the divas might want to help you get ahead a bit... :-)

D Akey
07-14-2009, 11:41 AM
So good to hear that you´re still alive and pickin´. :cool:

Your story reminded me of why I always try to pay someone to do whatever needs to be done--life´s too short, and I´m too lazy. :eek:

Thank you, Squire. Good advice.

I left it up to the divas to manage the garden and they turned my back yard into a forest primeval, or prim evil depending on which of your fingers are green.

Chopped trees off at the trunk and they grew back. Willfull. I think it's probably been my lesson to be particular about who I assign my work.

D Akey
07-14-2009, 11:52 AM
Oh, DA!!!! I'm so sorry about all your recent misfortunes. Curses!!! Now I know what they mean by the saying when faced with something unpleasant: "Well, it sure is better than getting poked in the eye with a sharp stick!"... wow, is that so true. I had that happen to me about 3 yrs ago while trimming bushes outside (not having had the big strapping Mexican lad to help me out), and while reaching in to get some of the fallen branches, did not see the stick that my eye was nearly touching and it rammed right into my eyeball. OUCH! Talk about searing pain, a MASSIVE headache, watering eyes (like you), but thankfully, no cornea problem. Oy! I'm telling you, mother nature hath no mercy sometimes.

I am glad you're back, you missed so much and apparently, so did we.

Carry on, but "one day at a time". The garden may just grow by itself. Who knows? Stranger things have been known to happen! ;)

So happy you're okay. Missed you mucho!

Yeah, rather than a roughneck Mexican lad, I pegged you for more the refined Ricardo Montalbam type for island fantasies and Fernando Lamas for marvelous eye gear, because you know darling, it's better to look marvelous than to have a poke in the eye with a sharp stick.

I'm sorry about YOUR eye, dear Rose, bud. But it's recovered simply marvelous. . . at least the one in the avatar you are holding up for all to see. N'ary a scratch! Just marvelous.

Missed you too. . .cho!

D Akey
07-14-2009, 12:12 PM
Welcome back Sir.

You have my sympathies as I too have been renovating and struggling with the fabric of my house. Removed the bathroom walls and celling. Had a hundred and fifty years worth of dust, dirt and detritus on my head and in my favourite orifices. Only have floorboards intermittently upstairs. Nearly lost a knee cap in middle of the night answering nature's insistent call but now have replaced that board and repaired the hole in the ceiling downstairs.

The photo shows the bath under a dust sheet and the hot water system behind. Have a ceiling in most parts now but still lacking walls and hoping the shower I have bought will fit. Beginning to think doing the plumbing myself is a bit ambitious.

You could try leaving a saucer of milk out for the divas at night, maybe even spike it for them so they sleep in while you clear the ground.

So the divas knee capped ya en lieu of further indignities. Seems like being pissed off takes on a lighter shade of stout malt irony.

I do hope you're alright though. Putting your foot through the floor and ceiling below without seeing it coming, man that could have been very bad.

Well, I dare say you have an intriguing task ahead. Hope that's soot and not mold. If it's mold, please be very careful for real. A mixture of bleach and water in a spritz bottle while wearing a super good mask, air tight goggles, thick rubber gloves and anything to keep the spores off and out of ya. . . Had such a problem when the shower pan leaked. I opened the closet door adjacent to the shower and the black was wicking two thirds of the way up the wall. Nasty stuff.

Incidentally, I don't think I have ever seen a water heater that close to a bath tub. I guess it gets so cold where you are that for every inch of pipe, the hot water loses 1.3 degrees.

For all that your places always sound fantastic and magical in some way or another.

Selby
07-14-2009, 12:14 PM
Wahaha: ) I laughed so hard I cried-reminded me of a dear uncle who has run foul of the wee folk more than once.

Hell hath no fury like a wee lass scorned as they say

D Akey
07-14-2009, 12:30 PM
I did not consider that your writing skills could actually get any better, but you really should consider cashing in on this talent... sorry to hear of your troubles, but the way you have described the anecdotal events are hilarious. Underneath I perceive that it was not all that much fun. Glad you are checking in. Miss your comments, wit, allusions and bs muchly.

b-b-b-b-B S!!!!!!???? Well dash it all anyway. It all happened just the way I said. Only the wee folk became a wee bit more corporeal for their part so we might all see them a little better.

But when dealing with the people depicted, and my injuries and all that -- Gospel. It's really remarkable just how little one has to squint to see it all as a grand farce.

But thank you for your kind and gracious welcome back. And might I extend you the same gesture. You were a rare visitor for a while yourself, and also missed and asked about. I definitely felt your absence and hoped you would return with some of the amazing work you have been displaying. Really exciting stuff. You would do well to ride it out.

Me, the writing thing. Your mouth to God's ear, my friend. Thanks for the kind words.

D Akey
07-14-2009, 12:39 PM
What an absolute cackle, i needed a good cheer up and you weren't short on your offering :)

Hahaha. I feel honored when the silent man laughs. Gotta be a story in that one.

Lets make a pact and all cheer each other up. Pardon me if I don't want to draw blood on it to seal the bargain. I'm afraid the divas have first dibs on my flesh. Apparently the claim goes back a long way.

Would you settle for a wink and a nod?

Pleased to meet ya.

D Akey
07-14-2009, 12:57 PM
Well you may like to know that Caesar managed to squash one of those pesky garden diva faeries with a fly swatter while you were out fighting the good fight. Unfortunately for you, sounds like that may have only fueled their fire! Glad to hear from you my friend!

Yes, Sketch, I believe that fly swatter incident was the turning point when it all got ugly. And me, minding my own business. . . taking a stroll in my back yard, I all of a sudden got creative urge telling me my muse was up to something. Apparently muses and divas don't get on well. Who knew.

Thank you for the welcome. Good to see you as well. Can't wait to see more of those great detailed orderly paintings of nature that you had been doing before. Actually your paintings may have gotten me interested in creating in nature itself. I owe you a basket of veggies come fall.

RobertSWade
07-14-2009, 04:38 PM
Hah Mairzie. Nice interpretation of the Diva's that still will haunt our overly optimistic resident Professor of Art as he continues his journey into the perils and pitfalls of self-sufficiency as regards all things vegetarian. Mayhaps he'll soon end up brewing dandelion wine in capitulation to them.
...
DA, in the words of someone from the 18th century ... "If you want to be a successful farmer, plant pumpkins."

Ailaya
07-14-2009, 05:08 PM
You're a brave and enduring man Mr. Akey. I'm glad to know you made it out of there alive and relatively unharmed ;)

But seriously, you've been missed. Good to have you back :)

D Akey
07-15-2009, 03:32 AM
I totally agree with GZ, what a wonderful engaging writing style, I wish I had a sliver of your talent.
Also think theres an art project lurking in this tale.... 'Paint DAkey's garden divas' (armed with spears etc of course) :)


Haha. Nice to meet you. Thanks for the wonderful comment about my writing. It's almost worth all the trouble just to have a tale to tell.

Please feel free to paint them. It may flatter them enough to get them to chill out a bit.

My cat, who has an uncanny affinity for the garden, having been born and raised in it, is very connected with the divas. And she has of late taken to going into the bathroom, sitting on the can and howling. I'm wondering if she is trying to alert me to watering the garden just like she tells me to feed her pets that come by.

D Akey
07-15-2009, 04:29 AM
A tale worthy of Darby O'Gill DA. I got a good many pictures in my head reading and laughing. Thanks for letting us in on your doings. :)

:) I recall Darby O'Gill and the Leprechauns as one of my first ever, if not THE first ever movie I saw in a theater. Very very young, and scared the bejeezus out of me. Thank you for the comparison. So did I scare ya?

We would do well to show respect for the garden divas, and cross them at our peril!

D Akey
07-15-2009, 04:40 AM
I can't say better than the precedent Ragers did, I just have to read a second time all the tale, fabulous talent,
I didn't laugh from longtime like this, You have all my sympathy , sure you'll manage.

Do you know that there are some people who manage to mix the vegetables with ornamental flowers,
I have no idea how,but I know that can be done.

from April the house where I live is in under restoration and all day there are a lot of noises, I try to work in the night and then I can't sleep in the day , but I did few escapes to Giverny , I had the flowers without the thorns and doing lazy pictures with Art Rage,
like this one:

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2523/3689189638_11608d90f7.jpg


Have an excellent Sunday and Summer time and the same wish for all Artragers friends :)

Gorgeous painting Dany!!!!
Apparently this is the poster for garden diva heaven, and I'm sure all divas beauty magazines would use it as a cover shot. Were I surrounded by such color, I think my head would explode from the delight of the sensory input.

What a tremendous location to paint.

I'm envious of all you who paint local landscapes and it turns out like this. Such color!!!!

Great to see you're taking advantage of the beauty around you, even if you need to travel a little to get there. Your Paris work is fantastic too. Love also the photos you've shared in the past.

Please keep going! I love your work!

D Akey
07-15-2009, 05:13 AM
It appears that we Ragers are torn; although we regret the circumstances leading to your posting, the posting itself is a testament to your wide-ranging (and highly entertaining) talents...an artist AND a wordsmith...

Using an impressive pallete (language), you've wielded a well chosen array of tools (nouns, verbs, sentences, paragraphs, etc.) at varying sizes and degrees of pressure to create both a broadly drawn background and a detail rich foreground. Add to this your consummate skill at blending several layers of narrative intent (humor, adventure, pathos, etc.) with varying levels of opacity on a canvas (total length) that's neither too short nor too long...and the result is a well drawn tale worthy of praise (and a nice gilt edged frame!).

Well done.

jb

Your post brought me to my knees! Dang!

I have to say I'm blown away by YOUR word-smithery and awareness of the elements by which one gauges paintings and the written word. In all fairness, I must confess that if I were juggling all those balls when writing or painting, I would scarcely be able to press a keyboard. Part of that wonderful creative miracle happens to me on occasions and I get lucky.

I had two things going for me while writing this. This stuff actually is anecdotal. Someone in this thread quoted ol' Ringo when he sang, "Got to pay your dues if you want to sing the blues, and ya know it don't come easy. . ." The other is that I was looking for a handle for the episodic experiences, and often times during the process of writing I suddenly can see things taking shape and relating to form a unified whole that I never could see by just vaguely holding it in the air in casual thought. So I find that I learn a lot about something by the mere process of writing that I rarely can get a handle on when just living through the immediacy of the string of moments. And since I like that 'poetic' clarity as I frame my life, it is a device I choose to employ.

It sorta wrote itself on the fly. My muse has some skills and will often hurl me headlong into situations when she feels I'm lolly gagging in a creative vacuum. I have not yet been in a place where I have to deliver writings on a schedule. So I've not yet developed that discipline to work on demand at a professional level. Have done in painting though. And that's why I came to be a firm believer in using live models and photo reference rather than only working from one's head.

But you write for a living, right? I'm in awe. You're following MY bliss, and that's fine and all because it's clearly yours as well, but it's something I need to remind myself to follow. And stuff like this springs out of my head like Venus on the Half Shell from Zeus -- fully formed. It's sadly been rare. But when it happens, and when people are so generous with their appreciative words, why I'm chuffed and can hardly contain my delight.

Thank you. Very encouraging to know that occasionally people take the time to get their hands dirty, roll up their sleeves, peel back the skin for a look at the machinery. Yes, I do go there too with other people's work. But I'm a little fearful to look at my muse thus for fear she'll just slap my face for such bad manners and cheek. But she does look quite curvy when I can look at her reflection as you painted her. :):):)

D Akey
07-15-2009, 05:49 AM
Dear D, have recovered now from your story, sort of:D:D:D,,, just couldn't help myself from painting this little card:o:p:rolleyes:;),, so glad you are back in the altogether!!!! :):):)


OMG!!!! There's Joel and my mystery self! Hahahaha. He sorta looks like that. Worthy of an adventure comic book.

I love the details! It's as if you're telling a story like something that I could see as a homespun war memorial, hahah. There we were, me and Joel, dragging through the garden narrows, pitchfork and hatchet at the ready, surrounded by hostile garden spirits! The latest tension was about to flare into a pitched battle on the green. The smell of blood and sap still lingered in the air from the morning's forray. . .

You've really captured the moment and it shall go up as my desktop background on one of my monitors, if you don't mind. I love it. And I love that you did it. Your sitting around the stove style offers the recounting a wonderful narrative voice that includes the teller (you). So pull up a chair and let's relive those thrilling days of yesteryear. . . oops. The Lone Ranger snuck in and took a seat too.

Thanks Lee!!!!! How fun is this!!! Brava! :):):):):)

D Akey
07-15-2009, 06:13 AM
Oh my lord, DA.....I'm still laughing. I solved all those problems 5 years ago....

I got married....he gets stabbed, stung, hospitalized now, NOT ME. LOLOLOLOLOL


Ah JD, sounds like a marriage made in Kansas! Hahah.

Some people need to patch their marriages on occasion. There should be a kit for it at the drug store complete with band-aids and weed killer and a blank personal diary.

You could probably take Lee's painting and strip in you and your husband's heads over mine and Joel's and present it to your garden warrior for your fifth anniversary.

D Akey
07-15-2009, 06:21 AM
Bloke!

I think ya got some ole Brit blood in ya veins.

You ought to be here , west of london town......may be Oxford.

:):)

Hahah. Ho there Enchanter! Need gardeners in Oxford do they? Well goodbye Mr. Chips, hello D Akey. My card reads: "Have chainsaw and mortarboard, no tassles. Will travel."

Being adopted into the tribe as 'one of our own'. True praise indeed. I would love to put roots in academia in England. Believe me. It's HOT out here in desert land.

Rowena
07-15-2009, 08:38 AM
Dear D Akey, I missed seeing you about and reading all your interesting posts too.
I hope that all will go very well for you and your project now.
R :D:D

Lee
07-15-2009, 12:34 PM
Dear D, You are so very welcome, and a Hardy Hi Hoe!!! xox:)

Mairzie Dotes
07-16-2009, 12:58 AM
This is gorgeous, Mair. My fav color (next to pink) is purple! They do look harmless enough! ;)



Dear irishrose, Robert and byroncallas,
Your kind response on "Benevolent Garden Diva's" are very much
appreciated .... a gracious thank you.

To be honest ... this is not a painting but in fact, a rare action shot of
protective garden diva's who are in the process of being created to serve
those (guess who?) who insist on waging war with the dark forces of
things that go BUMP in their yard. The circumstances must be just right
for good diva's to appear ... the moon must be full, the night air must be
clear and a concerned friend of the accident prone one must deliver a
heartfelt, sumerian incantation of concern while calling on all lunar powers
of creation. Only then will these kindly fairy's of lore begin to appear, rising
from the heaven sent moon dust from whence they came.

As you can see, this clandestine taken photo has amazingly captured
these spirits in the process of formation from within the garden fauna and
flora itself. They begin their birth process at midnight when the moon is
in a good mood. Only then can these musefully created visions of yore
majestically rise from the prickly overgrowth from where the bad diva's
gleefully cavort and plan their attacks.

This enchanted moon who holds all knowlege of the ancient one's, elected
to create FOUR dedicated sentry's that will steadfastly stand at D Akey's
ready if he should dare once more to, without protective clothing and a
six shooter, step foot into his yard with delusionary thoughts of clearing
the ... in this case ... the land of the lost. These four gossamer fairy
sprites will position themselves as such ... one in front of our ambushed
pioneer, one directly behind, one to the left and one to the right.

TA DAAAAA! ... now armed with all powers from beyond earth's boundaries,
D Akey should be now protected from all spunky garden tricksters who's
ornery activities should now be reduced to chasing small, insignificant
rodents, attacking bumble bee's, skeeters and smelly stink bugs! :)

irishrose
07-16-2009, 02:25 AM
Mair,

Methinks you should definitely write a book. This is a talent of yours, maybe collaborate with Mr. DA... but you have it! And the illustration part down too. Wow... what prose!

Lee
07-16-2009, 06:06 AM
Dear D Akey, did you happen to find Jacktar anywhere in your 'garden'? he seems to me missing too:)

,,, nevermind, i found him!!!!:o:)

D Akey
07-16-2009, 06:47 AM
Good to have you back old man. Maybe you should consider contracting Joel for a higher percentage of the work so you don't end up playing that Les Paul with your mouth and toes while sporting Stevie Wonder type sunglasses. You'll also need to invest in a roto-tiller so, there goes your back.
...
Sounds like you went with the heirloom variety of seeds. Good choice for taste certainly as most of that has been bred out in favor of color and transportability in the grocery stores of the present age. Still, they do require a higher degree of care and will be more succeptible to the various strains of vegetable loving six legged or more vermin.
...
I guess you'll also be giving your pressure cooker a workout come fall and will have to lay in a supply of Ball/Mason jars to preserve your vegetarian booty from the oh so harsh southern California winters.
...
Did you suffer under the delusion that being a gentleman gardener would somehow be relaxing? Oh, the humanity!
:D

!Hola Roberto! (Pronounced "Bob"),

Well thank you sir. Nice to be back amongst y'all dangerous gardinist sympathizers and other ArtRage denizens whats got one foot planted firmly below their monitors and the other in the Grape(s of Wrath) Press.

I actually am a bloody crap garden dilettante with sticks and stars in my eyes. I admit it. or at least the equivalent of a new recruit of no discernible rank. But with all the injuries in the yard, I'm expecting to soon get a field promotion to "fat and sassy garden dilettante with vegetables oozing from every pore".

It couldn't be easier. As I see it, once I have signed a contract with the Garden Divas Union, Local 832, and erected The Cannery Row Cage of Copious Roughage, and gotten the sprinklers on timers and stocked up on jars that I'll fill to just above the Mason-Dixon line, why, I'll be on Easy Street.

But I admire your sharing with me your coverall and shirt sleeve experience with sod-busting the Ohio land, pilgrim. And I admire and that you've chosen to farm cool beans and coy. I love a good honest yankee meal. Yup, Southern California, like your midwest sushi, is gonna rise again. :D

Great to see you're around here still as well. Wouldn't be the same without your (Catcher in the) wry sense of humor, my friend. :):):)

D Akey
07-16-2009, 07:14 AM
Hah! D'Akey, should we set up a collection for proper gonzo-gardening gear for you? We know that you need new gloves. Being a very experienced gardener myself, I recommend a hard hat, tevlar clothing, goggles, a spanish dictionary and a butterfly net for your next misadventure. Hah! You may consider the addition of night-vision goggles and gator-boots, because, who knows, with your luck you might have a hurricane in your back yard the next time you step out the door. And I would make sure that you have a horseshoe hanging over the front door just in cast the divas get the idea that they might move in with you to further their torments.

Haha. I must confess that when you mentioned a while back that you had been raised in the wild by garden hippies, I figured you were part garden diva yourself. I got inspired to go rustic and plant me some rural roots.

And my vision came complete with some wrought iron butterflies and spinny colored windmill thingies with flowing ribbons to mollify the divas and help them get the vision of a maypole-dancing garden.

Hurricanes are kinda scarce in this quasi-desert land that only appears lush because of decades of watered lawns and planted trees and shrubs. But the ground is very fertile owing to it having been under the ocean a couple eons back.

None the less, I like your sense of fashion and may I say, your really know how to accessorize. I think that night vision goggles were just being advertised in last month's issue of House and Silo. I'm never quite sure just which kind of silo they're demographics target.

Well, my old grand-mammy in the rocker on the porch used to say, while lighting her cob pipe, "Well don't just stand there, grab ya a horseshoe and fork, and let's get pitchin'."

You really were the one to pull my old aspirations to gardening front and center from reading your post back when. Thanks! :):):)

D Akey
07-16-2009, 07:32 AM
Sorry for all your troubles dear Mr Akey and boy have I missed you and your lyrical words. Good to see you posting again and a big welcome back.:)

Dear Ms. Coops,

Thank you for your very British restraint. Being so aligned with the Garden Divas yourself, having painted such wonderful garden blossoms, if you ask me, a little too skillfully and with too much grace and sensitivity for a "beginner", I know how you must be biting back your inclination to rush to their defense.

But we all know that would merely reveal your true identity. And you are sworn to secrecy, lest you break your enchantment whereupon you would be returned to the true form from whence you came, to no longer appear as a virtual human artist, I mean a human virtual artist. (one or the other)

But I think you may be starting to realize that the cry "Oh, the humanity!" is really a lament and not a cheer. I hope you have not come to regret your decision to go slumming with the humans.

Thank you for your charming welcome, Ms. Coops. I'm glad to be back, and that your enchantment held.

fraser_paice
07-16-2009, 07:32 AM
Hmmm... a pattern is starting to emerge. A remote desert retreat, growing of food in a self sufficiency attempt, the local earth spirits playing up and trying to thwart the project.

For confirmation I just need to know if Joel has been involved in the construction of a bunker? Is there a room full of AK47s and rocket launchers? Have we been mislead into sending all our troops to the middle east?

Is there something we should know Mr D Akey?

Has the Earth Mother finally decided to extract revenge for mankind's rapine abuse of our world?

Has the natural world declared war on mankind?

Will battalions of squirrels, raccoons and badgers march on our cities?

If you know something Sir then it is your duty as an Artrager to share this information with us.

byroncallas
07-16-2009, 10:44 AM
Mary Ann: It did occur to me that the "painting" was so photo-realistic that it almost HAD to be a photograph. Thanks for clearing that up ;).

No doubt DA can rest easy with these beauties watching his back. Meanwhile, I'm amazed you were able to capture them on film. You're clearly one very stealth photographer. :D;):)

byroncallas
07-16-2009, 10:48 AM
,,, just couldn't help myself from painting this little card:o:p:rolleyes:;),, so glad you are back in the altogether!!!! :):):)

Lee: your card is an outright charmer. Only the best for DA:).

Lee
07-17-2009, 07:29 AM
Dear Rose and Byron, thank you,,,, (selfish motive),,i will call in my marker and a basket of veggies will appear on my back porch soon,,:p;):)

D Akey
07-17-2009, 11:24 AM
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Sentry's ~

HARK! ... Do not fret ... No cause for alarm ~
For these garden diva's shall mean you no harm ~
They have been sent by night's moon ~
And will rise with the dawn ~
To protect accident prone fellows ~
Who frankly should stay the heck outta their yard ~ :p


Welcome back D Akey ~ ~ ~ :)


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hi thee hoe there, Moonlight whence,
I get four whispies with the will to fence.
Defensive linemen with twinkly toes,
Bush League, Farm League, to the pros they goes.

Will it be gnarled, scrubby brush,
Or 'taters for the sack?
"Fight for Veggies!" is our hearty cheer,
So push 'em, push 'em back!

Tomatoes kissed by moonlight,
Water in the dripper,
Fight that dead wood, Moonbeams!
Win one for the Chipper!


MAIR, DARLIN!!!!!

I feel I am not worthy of such "by the light of the silvery moon" protector-ettes. Such grace you show in your visual incantations.

Nicola Tesla. . . now there was a noble fellow deserving protection who was out to serve humanity. When his aspirations got too big for his Tesla Coils, and he called for FREE ELECTRICITY FOR EVERYBODY, he could have really used Mairzie's Angels.

I am scarcely worthy of such enchanted defense. I am but a mere garden variety, pre-genetically engineered greenie. And yet thus inspired by these savory body guards, who are the epitome of nubility, I too shall become worthy. I shall aspire to serve humanity.

And even as I type upon my laptop, I step into the garden by the midnight moon and holler to the neighbors over my fence: FREE VEGETABLES FOR EVERYBODY!!!!!!!! FREE I TELL YOU!!!! (Hey, shut up yourself Norman, or no vegetables for you. . . Alright then. . .) FREE for everybody except Norman who sounds like he could really use the roughage!!!!!!!!!

Meanwhile back at the painting. . .

That is so amazingly crafted. It's gorgeous! Looking at it is like being whispered to by the muse. This painting goes on my other monitor if you please. I think I need to peer into it to grasp the vision anew, especially when the mean Garden Divas seem to be winning. . . sorta like a locker room pep talk given by a garden sprite in a Sumerian hothouse.

Bless you for this, dear lady of the Crooning June Moon. I pray that my resolve shall never flag and that when my task has ended, I shall return my legendary hedge clippers, Ex-caterpillar, to the Sea of Tranquility from whence it was given. :):):) But I digress. . .

Mairzie Dotes
07-18-2009, 01:28 AM
[quote=D Akey;198327]Hi thee hoe there, Moonlight whence,
I get four whispies with the will to fence.
Defensive linemen with twinkly toes,
Bush League, Farm League, to the pros they goes.

Will it be gnarled, scrubby brush,
Or 'taters for the sack?
"Fight for Veggies!" is our hearty cheer,
So push 'em, push 'em back!

Tomatoes kissed by moonlight,
Water in the dripper,
Fight that dead wood, Moonbeams!
Win one for the Chipper!


MAIR, DARLIN!!!!!

I feel I am not worthy of such "by the light of the silvery moon" protector-ettes. Such grace you show in your visual incantations.

Nicola Tesla. . . now there was a noble fellow deserving protection who was out to serve humanity. When his aspirations got too big for his Tesla Coils, and he called for FREE ELECTRICITY FOR EVERYBODY, he could have really used Mairzie's Angels.

I am scarcely worthy of such enchanted defense. I am but a mere garden variety, pre-genetically engineered greenie. And yet thus inspired by these savory body guards, who are the epitome of nubility, I too shall become worthy. I shall aspire to serve humanity.

And even as I type upon my laptop, I step into the garden by the midnight moon and holler to the neighbors over my fence: FREE VEGETABLES FOR EVERYBODY!!!!!!!! FREE I TELL YOU!!!! (Hey, shut up yourself Norman, or no vegetables for you. . . Alright then. . .) FREE for everybody except Norman who sounds like he could really use the roughage!!!!!!!!!

Meanwhile back at the painting. . .

That is so amazingly crafted. It's gorgeous! Looking at it is like being whispered to by the muse. This painting goes on my other monitor if you please. I think I need to peer into it to grasp the vision anew, especially when the mean Garden Divas seem to be winning. . . sorta like a locker room pep talk given by a garden sprite in a Sumerian hothouse.

Bless you for this, dear lady of the Crooning June Moon. I pray that my resolve shall never flag and that when my task has ended, I shall return my legendary hedge clippers, Ex-caterpillar, to the Sea of Tranquility from whence it was given. :):):) But I digress. . .


D Akey,
I am so very flattered at receiving your artistic approval and, as always,
in admirable envy and appreciation of your wit and poetic writing abilities.
A sincere and gracious thank you! :)

You have, with unbounded whimsey, explained your temporary absence with
a journeyful saga that would rival the story line of any, funny as all get out
T.V. sit com. Your sugar and spice participation has been missed and a warm,
whoohoo welcome back to the wondrous land of Art Rage and friends.


You poem is ... is ... welllllllllll ... it had me in stitches I'll have you know and
as I bow in admiration to your witty rhyme'n talents, might I offer this one
that refers to my painting and hopefully expresses comfort in the knowledge
that you are now surely protected when you next decide to venture out into
yet untamed, wild gamed territory! :eek: :p :rolleyes: :)

Divine Intervention ~

These four devoted sentry sprites ~
Rise on magic moonlit nights ~
To protect thee from all diva's that smite ~
Now blaze forth, oh adventurous, plucky knight ~

No more fear shall ye harbour ~
Whilst clearing your woodthicket arbour ~
For thee now be well armed with four Excalibur's ~
Fully protected now 'tis your pride, hide and honour ~


~~~~~~~ the end ~~~~~~~

Mairzie Dotes
07-18-2009, 10:47 AM
Mair,

Methinks you should definitely write a book. This is a talent of yours, maybe collaborate with Mr. DA... but you have it! And the illustration part down too. Wow... what prose!


Dear irishrose,
Your oh so kind comments on my way with words is most gratifying ...
a sincere thank you but I only wish that I could compare with the many
talents that our friend D Akey holds. He would leave me rendered
speechless and sputtering in his poetic and literary wake if it came to
that. I wish I knew what kick-a-boo joy juice, mind energizing potions this
man brews up in his pressure cooker and then swills down for inspirational
results because what ever it is ... IT'S WORKING and I WANNA TRY SOME!!! :) :D

D Akey
07-19-2009, 03:11 AM
Wahaha: ) I laughed so hard I cried-reminded me of a dear uncle who has run foul of the wee folk more than once.

Hell hath no fury like a wee lass scorned as they say

Hi Selby,

Ain't it the truth. . .ain't it the truth.
Why I recall my first wife who . . . but I digress.

Your dear uncle had his business dealings with the divas did he? Did the tenor of his encounter leave him a counter tenor? The wee furies bein' so short and all. . .

Sounds like he lived to tell the tale(s) though, and there's ample enough blessing in that.

Selby
07-19-2009, 07:10 AM
Well yes he did live to tell the tales but only as he has more lives than a cat and the fact he isn't thus fas a counter tennor is more good luck than good management.

One tale I recall was when he finally got to " slashing" the grass in the top paddock but hurrying along too fast and too carlessly he tipped the tractor over on himself slasher and all.... The thing is he escaped with bruised ribs and ego which was a sight less than what he deserved all said and done.

irishrose
07-19-2009, 07:16 AM
Mair, DA and you are both VERY talented with your words... don't let anyone tell you different. :) You don't need the juice, you're already loaded! :)

D Akey
07-21-2009, 03:26 AM
You're a brave and enduring man Mr. Akey. I'm glad to know you made it out of there alive and relatively unharmed ;)

But seriously, you've been missed. Good to have you back :)

Thank you dear Ailaya.

It's been an enduring experience alright. Nearly finished.

While I have not had an opportunity to continue to carve out the garden, the new patio/retaining wall combo complete with inset perimeter planters (soil holes with sprinklers for plants near the fence) is now complete.(Please note the use of the word "soil" as opposed to "dirt". If I read "Gardening for Dummies" correctly, all dirt in a garden suddenly, magically becomes soil. Dirt is for making mud pies. My yard suddenly sounds so fertile -- even the concrete apparently.

I knew a Korean lady who had concreted in her small back yard and had a thin, foot wide sliver of dirt alongside the garage in which she planted in a 6 inch corner of it some zucchini. And the leafy vine grew out over the whole yard creating a 9 inch deep green sea of leafy vine with lots and lots of zucchini ready for the picking at her whim.

And so today, owing to that Germanic part of my family's ancestry, I germinate! Let's hope my genes hold without patches on the knees.

As to your painting and writing endeavor, I've been looking in and very much admiring your preparation work. Your book looks like it will be gorgeous, and I've no doubt a real page turner.

Hope you're continuing with it. Are you on Summer vacation now? Should give you lots of time on it.

D Akey
07-21-2009, 03:57 AM
Dear D Akey, I missed seeing you about and reading all your interesting posts too.
I hope that all will go very well for you and your project now.
R :D:D

Hi Row,

Thank you for your best wishes. As you suggest, my garden project is an ongoing process. I don't think there's an end point with it.

The big worry at this point is that I have to prune some of the bigger trees that have heavy limbs growing over the house and patio awning. It will be an engineering feat to get them pruned back away from the areas of the house that are being threatened.

One thing I have learned from all this craziness is that there are a lot of marginally skilled work folk out there, my confidence in whom has been sorely over-extended. Being coordinated enough to manage to successfully complete buying a box of business cards does not a master craftsman, or even a leaf blowing gardener make. And I'm remembering that because someone comes to cut the grass doesn't mean they know squat about tree pruning.

A number of years back, my then gardener darn near killed my plum tree when I paid him to do some tree trimming. Since he brought his skills to the garden, the fruited plain has never been so barren.

So hiring a pricey tree service. . . fugget about it! I can shepherd this one.

Joel and I shall rope that puppy's limbs like a marionette and move them like a puppet master performing Fireball XL5 on the surrealistically large scale of the artist Cristo.

Good to see you too. And have you been pursuing your dream of painting for fun and profit bringing light, color and concepts to deepest Southest Africa? I'm serious, you should own your talent.

coops
07-21-2009, 06:11 AM
Dear Mr Akey, I have read this thread with great pleasure and ohhhhhhhh some dread. What a project you have in front of you but if you are as good with your hands as you are with your words then a beautiful garden will eventually appear. I wish you all the best dear Mr Akey and will keep watching for progress.:)

D Akey
02-08-2012, 06:37 AM
Situation desperate. . . divas have me surrounded. . . no sign of Joel. . . m-m-m-m-m-ust c-u-u-t g-r-a-s-s-s. . . .

Lima
02-08-2012, 11:32 AM
Terrific thread.:eek:

Shibui
02-08-2012, 12:28 PM
This looks like great thread. So glad you are try to save it. I am adding to reading list, because there are so many I haven't seen. You will hear from me soon!

D Akey
05-17-2014, 03:25 AM
Knock on wood - No further run-ins with diva Ronins. But I have to take down a couple large trees that died in the drought. So I'm being cautious about saying that everything's hunky dory. I learned my lesson.

Thanks for reviving this old thread. :D:D:D:D:D Although I still wince a little through the smiles, while the expressions on the face may appear very similar.

The vegetable garden never manifested owing to a sudden strange white mold appearing on all the plants which started at one end of the garden and quickly crossed to the other. So it's a relatively untended decorative garden only at this point. The divas are okay with that.

I don't mind the natural look. Reminds me of my long ago grandmother's garden. She was a great gardening fan, and I recall when I was a very young lad being completely dwarfed by greenery and rose bushes in the humidity of upstate New York. And there was a gorgeous stone bird bath pedestal in the back, which was like coming across an ancient ruin in the jungle, though I was so young I had no references for such associations. But there's something lingering deep in the gene pool that knows and loves thicker vegetation rather than the coiffed, mow-and-blow gardens of today's yards. I may be falling under the diva's enchantment though. . .

Thanks again for the look in.

copespeak
05-17-2014, 10:02 AM
A great story Mr Akey, and well before my time. :) :)

Now, to the mold.... you just spray milk on it when it first happens and it goes away. I get it each year at the end of summer on my zucchinis and silver-beet, spray it and it is gone within days. Natural and non-toxic. I have heard it works on black spot on roses, but haven't tried that.

Handy gardening hint over!! :) :)

D Akey
05-17-2014, 08:35 PM
Ah, it seems like only yesterday. . .

You know, that's a mixed bag using milk in the garden. . . especially since I hear the little divas are lactose intolerant. "Oh my word, Marybluebelle, the bullfrogs are astir tonight. . . <tee hee>"

I must confess a perverse curiosity what would happen. 'Every body needs milk' as they used to say in the adverts.

And thanks for the gardening hint. I may just give it another go after all.

MJSparks
05-17-2014, 09:58 PM
Hope you are feeling better and I suggest shiny things and wind chimes... one distracts the other may scare off any unwanted mythological pranksters in your garden...and possibly the non-mythological creatures too.

Very well written story albeit an ouchie one.

GRSArts
05-30-2014, 03:26 AM
D Akey, it looks to me you should take up staying out of the yard. You are not yard friendly...lol. I think a Indian shaman (One Who Walks in the Yard) might be in order for you and the yard. Anyway, enjoy your new garden.